My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
