did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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