I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize