You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
