I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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