I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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