you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
