Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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