I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
