Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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