I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
