On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
