Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
