This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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