I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
