i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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