do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
