My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize