im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
