that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
