When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
