FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
