Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize