I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
