I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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