What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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