She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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