I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
