I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize