I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
