Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
