well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
