I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
