brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
