Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize