how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
