I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
