So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
