I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
