Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
