Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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