it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
