my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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