It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
