You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
