I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
