Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
