I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
