If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
