I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
how does that bad decision feel?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
