We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
