Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
