Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
