My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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