I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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