She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
