He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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