Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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