so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When are your genitals available?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize