Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
