Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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