it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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