chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize