I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
