i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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