Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
