You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
