blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she pinky promised me she was 18
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize