16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
