haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
