4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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