All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
