My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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