so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
