I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In America we eat man semen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
