At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
