Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
