Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
