wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
