DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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