Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
