Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize