You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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