I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize