His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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