just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
