She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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