my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
