i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
