Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
