she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
