i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
