i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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