Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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