I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
