woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
