he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
