tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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