I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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