onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
