Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
