I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
