I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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