well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
