I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
