she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
