drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
