For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
