when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
