Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize