Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize