I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
