Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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