Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
