This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
